after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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