Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
