chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
