in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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