Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
