Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
