in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
