you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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