why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
