dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
