I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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