Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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