Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
