Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Do vagina's smell?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
