Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
