You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
