I just cut my nipple shaving
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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