woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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