somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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