i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
