It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
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