Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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