the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
