having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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