Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
