the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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