12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I need a beard to bite.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
