Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
