It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
