Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
