I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
