i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
two words: eviction party
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
