Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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