My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
