He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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