I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
