I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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