she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
