Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
