Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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