I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
