this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
