i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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