Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
