We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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