the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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