Porn is love you can see.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
