3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
