New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
