I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
i now understand why vodka
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
