My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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