she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
should my penis look like a turkey
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
