This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
